A Guide to Nascar for Redneck Women

In order to understand the culture of the redneckit is today.
man, it is necessary to understand the mostToday's NASCAR, industrialized and streamlined
Southern of sports: NASCAR. It's more than justand watered down for general consumption, is
cars driving in circles at high speed, punctuated byonly a pale imitation of the free-for-all madness
the occasional crash; it is an integral part of theour bootlegging ancestors first drove.
modern South. In order to really understand both,NASCAR Rules
you must know where NASCAR came from andWhile the first NASCAR stock cars were
why it exists.completely unmodified stock cars, the same ones
History of NASCARyou'd buy off the lot, today's cars are modified
NASCAR (the National Association for Stock Caraccording to strict safety and performance rules.
Auto Racing) really started back just beforeThe rules in NASCAR are both simple and
Prohibition, when hillbilly moonshiners up in thecomplex. Drivers in the top 43 of each race
Appalachians found out that the revenuers' carsaccumulate points according to a set system.
were fast enough to get the jump on them. IllegalCups are awarded according to who has
stills started getting busted, and shine makersaccumulated the most points in a set group of
started going to jail. Instead of buckling,races. The Sprint Cup (usually just called the Cup,
moonshiners moved their stills further back intoas it was previously the R.J. Reynolds and the
the woods and down in the hollers, and theyNextel Cup) is the big prize, and is awarded after
started using cars.a set of 36 races. Other smaller cups are
When Prohibition came into effect in 1920,awarded for other groups of races, and each
moonshiners started looking beyond outwitting themajor race has around $4 million total in prize
tax-collecting revenuers and toward shipping 'shinemoney awarded for that race alone.
to the cities for real profit. Gangsters - PrettyPoints in the major races (but not all NASCAR
Boy Floyd, Baby Face Nelson, Capone - startedraces) are awarded not only to the race winner
making contact with these good ol' boys to see ifbut to each lap leader. If you've led at least one
they could get a steady supply of alcohol for theirlap, you automatically get five bonus points; if you
speakeasies and other businesses. And younglead the most laps, you get an extra five, for ten
men, usually the sons or nephews of establishedbonus points total. Points go to the driver who
moonshiners, started working with stock cars tostarted the race (replacement drivers get nothing)
get the 'shine to town as fast as possible.and to the car owner. Races are generally
These, our redneck forefathers, modified the carsprefaced either by qualifying trials or by heats,
they ordered from magazines or purchased fromsmall races that get the crowd warmed up but
fledgling dealers in towns to run faster, harder, ondon't count toward prizes. Starting order is
rough and smooth surfaces. They experimenteddetermined by qualifying time.
with using 'shine as a fuel for a boost in speed,The track, once started, is slowed down by
and invented many of the tricks used today inyellow caution flags for fender benders, spills, etc.;
NASCAR. Junior Johnson, one of NASCAR'sif something catastrophic happens, the red flag will
earliest legends, spent years running 'shine for hiscome down to stop the race until wreckage can
father using scampish tricks later mimicked bybe cleared. Green flag means everything is fine.
Burt Reynolds characters and the Dukes ofAnd in most NASCAR races, you'll see drivers pull
Hazzard. He invented the famous bootleg turn,off for at least one pit stop; the pit crew works
the 180-degree spinout sending you careening infast to fuel, check, condition, and change tires
the opposite direction, that is used in nearly everybecause the time in pit counts against your time
movie car chase today, and later as a NASCARon the track.
champ discovered how to "draft" another driverA NASCAR Date
to increase his own speed and reduce fuelSo now you have that redneck sweetheart and
consumption.you really want to impress him? Set up a date
NASCAR was officially born in 1948, a merging offor one of the smaller NASCAR races, with
this wild redneck tradition with the more upscalebarbecue and and chips for your refreshments.
Grand Prix racing imported from Europe, in whichBeer is a must, and for that special touch, ask
mostly concept cars and special sports cars wereyour liquor store for some 'shine, which should be
raced. William France, a racing mechanic, had adrunk straight but in moderation. Dress any old
notion that stock cars would draw crowds inway you want, park him on the couch, and let
America, and he incorporated NASCAR inhim explain all the finer points of the race to you
Daytona, from which it quickly grew to the giantwhile you both enjoy the race.